


I only dare to look at your reflection (I’m scared you’ll recognise my face)

by itsjustnoise



Category: LOONA (Korea Band)
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 01:42:33
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,929
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28610040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/itsjustnoise/pseuds/itsjustnoise
Summary: Jungeun's stared at Jinsoul enough to know every single expression that crosses that face, she's even confident enough to say she can draw Jung Jinsoul with her eyes closed. Too bad she's always looked away when Jinsoul stared back.
Relationships: Ha Sooyoung | Yves/Kim Jiwoo | Chuu, Jeon Heejin & Kim Hyunjin, Jung Jinsol | Jinsoul/Kim Jungeun | Kim Lip
Kudos: 122





	I only dare to look at your reflection (I’m scared you’ll recognise my face)

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, warning, this is just nothing but bad word vomit. Just me mindlessly typing an idea that I couldn't stop thinking about.

If you were to ask Kim Jungeun what her greatest skill was, she would tell you that she was extremely good at fading into the background. Second would be drawing but that's besides the point.

Because if you were bestfriends with the most popular girl in your grade who was loved by everyone and still managed to stay under the radar, it is a huge achievement with bragging rights that she was unwilling to relinquish anytime soon. Or at least, that's what Jungeun maintains when Jiwoo tries to drag her out to parties and gatherings that require her to be *shudders* social. Even now, Jungeun still feels the ice spiders crawling up her spine when she thinks of that word. Jungeun's content to live her life out as a hermit in the soundbox at the back of the hall, perks of being in the IT club and all. 

"You remind me of a hermit crab, you never come out of your shell," her cousin told her once and Jungeun remembers throwing a pillow at her, yelling that her girlfriend never comes out of her room either.

She missed, of course, because her athletic ability was just that superior, her cousin's head of turquoise green hair just vanishing around the corner and Jungeun had to leave the sanctuary of her room to claim her pillow back. She would have graduated with only a handful of people knowing her full name, a rag-tag group of friends that she almost considers her sisters and an out of control crush that she was drowning comfortably in. Yes, she would have been happy and content.

But now they were in their seventh year of high school and Jungeun knows that in their eighth year, with their final examination looming like some annoyingly, suffocating cloud of smoke over their shoulders, there will be little time left to play or live at all. That's the only reason why she allowed Jiwoo to drag her out to this particular party. 

"C'mon, Jungie," Jiwoo had all but begged," You need to exprience what it's like to be young and make stupid decision before you actually have the capacity to regret them." 

Jungeun only pursed her lips, pushed her glasses up from where they were sliding down her nose, and muttered darkly, "people." 

Jiwoo groans and flops down onto Jungeun's bed, pouting as Jungeun frowns down at her. 

"There won't be a lot of people at this one Jungie, I promise." Jungeun grunts, eyes going back to her book but Jiwoo grabs her hand, pouts and Jungeun feels her resolve crumbling when Jiwoo does her puppy dog eyes. 

"Fine," she sighs, closing her book, squeezing her eyes shut with a frown when Jiwoo, honest to God, squeals into her ears. 

"Thanks Jungie, I'll send you the details later tonight okay?" Jungeun rolls her eyes and shrugs but they both don't miss the tiny upturn of her lips when Jiwoo launched herself into her arms for a hug.

Jiwoo comes barging into her room on the day of the party without any warning at three in the afternoon, just as Jungeun was adding the final touches to her most recent sketch. She watches, embarrassed, as Jiwoo puffs out her cheeks and crosses her arms.

"Are you drawing Jinsoul eonnie again," and by this time, it already sounds more like a statement than a question. But Jungeun tries anyway. "No." 

She sees Jiwoo rolling her eyes in the reflection of her mirror and feels the apples of her cheeks heat up. "You should just talk to her, Jinsoul eonnie's really a huge dork."

The Jungeun of the past would have blushed all the way to the tips of her ears and curled in defensively like some type of hedgehog, refusing to speak. But this usually resulted in a frowning Jiwoo and Jungeun has heard this statement enough times to know exactly how to react. She turns around and places a hand across her chest, gasp ending in the widest smile when Jiwoo shakes her head with a fond grin. 

"Me? Talk to Jinsoul eonnie? Did you hit your head rolling out of bed again?" Jiwoo whacks her across the shoulder and Jungeun sinks onto the floor in mock surrender, moaning like Jiwoo had just inflicted on her the most grievous of wounds. 

"Ass," Jiwoo grumbles and Jungeun kicks at her ankles. "I try my best."

Jungeun decides to wear her favourite sleeveless shirt and ties a flannel around her waist as she waits for Jiwoo to finish with her makeup.

"Who are you trying to impress?" Jungeun asks and raises an eyebrow with Jiwoo's hand shakes, dark red smudging at the top of her lips. "Nobody," she squeaks and Jungeun narrows her eyes at her. 

Jiwoo's normally not like this, Jungeun thinks of her as the confidence that perfectly balances out her meekness. Loud to her quiet, soft to her sharp, warm to her cold. It was how they could stay friends all these years, Jungeun has never met somebody who could understand her as well as Kim Jiwoo did. She is suddenly reminded that they might not be in the same school after they graduate and Jungeun can't stop the sharp stab of melancholy that shoots through her heart. It's on pure impulse that she does this, which is very much a Jiwoo thing, but it takes Jungeun two steps to reach Jiwoo and another beat for her to wrap her arms around familiar waist.

"Jungie?" Jiwoo sounds rightfully surprised, and Jungeun doesn't blame her, she was never one who was big on touches and physical contact, again, that’s a Jiwoo thing. Jungeun was someone who was much more comfortable with words.

"Thanks," she murmurs into her shoulder and Jiwoo doesn't ask for any other explanation, just squeezes the arm with a free hand and continues applying her lipstick.

They reach the house at 8 on the dot and it's so quiet, Jungeun immediately doubts that Jiwoo got the location right.

"I told you there won't be a lot of people, Jungie. Now c'mon, smile please?" Jiwoo pokes at her cheeks. 

Jungeun rolls her eyes, plasters the brightest and fakest grin she can on her face and winces when Jiwoo pinches her cheeks. "Kim Jungeun." "Ow! Okay, okay, better?" "Thanks Jungie." 

When Jungeun steps through the doors and looks around, she realises two things. The first is that Jiwoo was right, there weren't a lot of people here, it looked more like a gathering than a party. The second was that almost everybody around her was from the dance team. She only recognises Kim Hyunjin, from the basketball team as the lone student who didn't dance. She had one arm slung loosely over her girlfriend's shoulder and Jungeun was willing to bet her entire collection of Moomin dolls that Jeon Heejin had just lost whatever game she was playing on her phone when she huffs and Hyunjin presses a soft kiss to her temple. Well, at least someone else she knows here. Something heavy settles in the bottom of her stomach and Jungeun turns to Jiwoo, who was in the middle of waving to her friends, with panic flashing in her eyes.

"Kim Jiwoo, you didn't tell me that this was going to be a dance club gathering." 

"It's a dance club gathering. There, I've told you."

Mischief flits past Jiwoo's bright hazel eyes and the lump in her stomach doubles in weight. Jiwoo planned this, Jungeun thinks, shoulders tensed, and was just about to march out the door when it opens again and she locks eyes with the pair she has drawn onto at least two pages in her sketchbook. Granted, it's not her usual deep mahogany but, Jungeun thinks, somewhere past the panic roaring loudly in her gut and the sweat that was starting to collect in the palm of her hands, that Jung Jinsoul with her platinum blond hair and dark blue contacts, looks positively exquisite.

"Yves and Jindollie are here!" Someone yells and Jungeun snaps out of it, the weight returns, unbearably heavy, and it is more than enough to force her gaze away. 

I, Jungeun thinks to herself pathetically as Jiwoo pulls her towards the couch where Hyunjin and Heejin were whispering to each other, am so, so dead.

Jiwoo apologises again before going off to greet the other dance club seniors, leaving Heejin and Hyunjin to laugh at Jungeun misery over the rims of their cups. Jungeun just rolls her eyes because she knows that Jiwoo secretly wasn't sorry at all. 

"Kim Jiwoo's on thin fucking ice. I'm this close to revoking her best friend card." Hyunjin laughs at that, boisterous and sudden, and Jungeun wants to bury her entire being into the couch they were sitting on. Thankfully, most of the club members are already all too used to Hyunjin and her weird antics and ignore them. 

"You need to be more convincing, Jungeun eonnie. Your eyes haven't left Jinsoul eonnie ever since you've come to join us on the couch." 

And if Jungeun's cheeks weren't red before, they felt like they were on fire now, eyes flying back to Hyunjin who gives her a Chesire cat grin, all teeth, and even has the audacity to wink.

But Heejin, like the angel she is, takes pity on Jungeun and taps at Hyunjin's nose. "Stop teasing her, Hyun. You were worse when we first met." And when Hyunjin begins sputtering, ears red, Jungeun laughs and reaches across the girl to give Heejin a high-five.

"I'll never know why you're dating this big demon, Heekie." Jungeun sighs, flicking away her non-existent tears when Hyunjin finally decides Heejin's shoulder is the best place to hide. 

"Because she loves me," A beat, then. "Just like how you love Jinsoul eonnie."

And Heejin has to send Jungeun to find Jiwoo lest she pours whatever she has in her cup over her girlfriend's head. Jungeun leaves the two lovebirds with a sharp knock to Hyunjin’s head that she just knows Heejin is already soothing away with tiny kisses and rubs.

Jungeun finds Jiwoo in the kitchen and eyes the bottle in her hand with distaste. 

"Soju, really?" 

Jiwoo just clinks her bottle with the glass in Jungeun's hand and takes a large gulp as Jungeun looks on, horrified. 

"I needed the courage." Jiwoo rasps despondently as Jungeun pushes a cup of water into her hands. 

"For what?" 

But she follows Jiwoo's line of sight and sees Ha Sooyoung grinning roguishly at a group of starry-eyed juniors. One of them even steps forward into Sooyoung's personal space with a hand on her arm and Jungeun hears Jiwoo grinding her teeth. Her best friend's still smiling, but Jungeun knows enough to spot how it doesn't quite reach her eyes. 

"That." Jiwoo mumbles and turns her back to the exchange, swallowing down another mouthful of soju. Jungeun sees how Ha Sooyoung looks up as soon as Jiwoo turns away with slouching shoulders, concern evident from even so far away.

Is she okay? Sooyoung mouths and Jungeun raises an eyebrow in reply, what do you think? And it’s almost challenging,how hard her gaze is and when Ha Sooyoung turns away with a small frown, she places one hand on Jiwoo’s to guide her out of the kitchen. 

Now in a room away from the gaggle of juniors, Jiwoo seems to revert back to her cheerful self, Jungeun can see the light slowly returning. 

“Why aren't you with Heej and Hyun?” Jungeun sighs and takes the bottle from Jiwoo’s fingers, taking a long swallow before she answers.

“They were being all sweet and disgusting.” Jiwoo frowns. “But they are sweet and disgusting all the time. You of all people should be used to it.” 

Jungeun licks at her lips and turns back to the crowd. Her eyes find Jung Jinsoul almost instantly. It’s not hard, with her too bright hair and too bright smile but Jungeun knows that even if Jinsoul were to come in the dullest of clothes, she’ll still have little trouble spotting her in the sea of people. Damn, I’ve got it bad, she thinks and Jiwoo hums from beside her, mouth forming a cute little o.

“Was Hyunjin teasing you for staring at Jinsol eonnie again.” And Jungeun chokes as Jiwoo chuckles beside her, patting her back in an attempt for her to get her breath back. 

“The heck Wooming? I could have died.”

“Oh please,” Jiwoo waves a hand in her face and Jungeun barely dodges it in time, “Jinsoul eonnie knows first aid, she can be your knight in shining armour. And besides,” Jungeun knows from experience that when Jiwoo’s eyes sparkle this way, it never means anything good.

She’s right, as usual.

“You didn't deny that you were staring at her the entire time.” For the second time that night, Jungeun’s cheeks burn. But this time, she is able to fight back. “What about you? Any luck talking to Sooyoung eonnie yet? You’re wearing a lot of her favourite colour tonight.” 

Jiwoo looks like she wants to say something, Jungeun sees how her cheeks puff up, adorably pink, and smiles into the rim of her cup. But then Jiwoo deflates and takes the bottle from Jungeun’s other hand and drinks from it.

“Is this why we’re friends?” Jungeun laughs as Jiwoo pouts and looks past her shoulder. What she says next almost causes Jungeun to choke again. Almost. 

“Hey Jinsoul and Sooyoung eonnie are looking at us.”

"Right," Jungeun deadpans, trying her hardest to will away the blush in her cheeks at the mere thought. "The prettiest girl in the school and practically the star of all my highschool fantasies, is looking at me."

She rolls her eyes when Jiwoo frantically nods and sips at her drink with a small, sarcastic smile playing at the edge of her lips.

What a dream.

“Your acting is getting better, Wooming." Then Jiwoo's jaw drops and her eyes grow wide as she stares at something past Jungeun's shoulder. But they have been best friends for 23 years and Jungeun would rather sit in a cluttered room that hasn't been cleaned in years than fall for her tricks. She watches Jiwoo gulp and raises her eyebrow with a sigh because Jiwoo was nothing if not persistent. 

"What's next Wooming, is Jung Jinsoul standing behind me now?" She scoffs, tone hollow, and if it was possible, Jiwoo's round eyes become rounder still and really, this is too much. Jungeun rolls her eyes again and swirls the liquid in her cup, wondering for the millionth time that night how she ended up with Kim Jiwoo as her best friend. 

But then she hears Jiwoo barely managing to choke out," Jungie, please," at the exact same time a smooth baritone she has replayed in her mind almost every night says, "well, you're not wrong." 

Fuck

Jungeun's hands feel clammy again for the second time that night as she freezes. Except this time, she's actually been caught staring hasn't she? That's the only reason why Jung Jinsoul would ever approach her, to laugh at the nerd that nobody knew. But Jiwoo nudges her and Jungeun takes that as her cue to turn around, fingers already in a deathgrip around her glass. Belatedly, Jungeun hopes that she doesn't shatter it from how hard she's squeezing the shaking cup.

She meets the bemused gazes of not only Jung Jinsoul but Ha Sooyoung as well and feels her world slip out from under her feet. Or her ass, since she's sitting down. Does it work that way? That just feels wrong though, maybe it's- 

"Hi, Sooyoung eonnie, Jinsoul eonnie!" Jiwoo chirps from her left and Jungeun shakes herself out of her panicking monologue, barely managing to choke out her greeting as well. 

She keeps her eyes trained on the black tiles, reminding herself that Ha Sooyoung and Jung Jinsoul where Jiwoo's seniors in the dance team, so maybe that's why they were here. They were just coming to say hello, maybe she hadn't been caught staring like an unwelcome creep after all. 

She faintly hears Sooyoung complimenting Jiwoo's makeup, how burgundy looks incredibly good on her and about how "we match Jiwoo! Guess we're a couple for the night huh?" and can't help smiling down at her shoes because Jiwoo's shy blush was still such a stark image in her mind. 

But then she hears Jinsoul say,"Jungeun right?" and feels her lungs seize, breath freezing over somewhere in between her heart and her throat. "You have a really cute laugh."

My laugh isn't cute, Jungeun wants to say, it sounds like the screeching you hear at the gates of hell. But all that comes out of her mouth is an eloquent ,”huh?” Jinsoul giggles, and Jungen feels the blood in her veins go pop, fizz, snap. 

She doesn't quite know how to respond, doesn't think she can muster up the courage to look up into deep blue eyes. A beat passes, and then two before Sooyoung suddenly says, “Oh right, Jiwoo, I wanted to show you something! Jungeun, I hope you don't mind me stealing your best friend away for the night.” 

And Jungeun has to look up now, she feels a sense of satisfaction when she sees how wide Jiwoo’s eyes are with panic.

“Of course,” she says quietly, when she remembers how to work her vocal chords, “she’s all yours.” 

Sooyoung smiles and places her hand over her heart when Jungeun squints at her, an unspoken warning sent her way. “Thank you. C’mon Jiwoo!”

And Jungeun smiles as she watches her best friend get tugged away and up the stairs, stumbling all the way but Sooyoung’s arm is there to steady her and together they climb the stairs and disappear from her sight.

“Soo has been saying that she wanted to show Jiwoo the stars the entire night.” Jungeun hears and startles. She feels so out of her element, like a bird that was told it could no longer fly and prays for the courage she so pitifully lacks.

Right, it’s just her and Jinsoul now. And really, Kim Jungeun, a voice that sounds suspiciously like Jiwoo nags into the corners of her brian, where are your manners? A pretty girl is talking to you for goodness sake. She turns and Jinsoul gives her this shy smile that makes the weight that had disappeared through the night clunk back to the bottom of her stomach, Jungeun very nearly falls off her chair. 

“That’s nice, Jiwoo really likes stargazing actually.” Her stomach churns as she swallows and Jungeun looks back at her cup again. This close, she can count the tiny freckles speckled across Jinsoul’s cheekbones and it’s just too much, she isnt sure her weak, little, gay heart can handle the proximity. And when Jinsoul slides into Jiwoo’s unoccupied chair, Jungeun has to force her arms to relax. 

“So, Jungeun,” The cup in her grip slips a little and Jungeun’s torn between putting it down on the table or holding onto it like a lifeline. She decides on the former and clasps her hands together. “I noticed you were looking at me the entire night, did you like the view?”

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

JInsoul eye’s were twinkling and oh my god she knows doesn't she? Jungeun doesn’t have it in her to lie to someone who has had her heart since she was 12. “I- I’m sorry, I didn't mean to make you uncomfortable. It’s just that you looked so pretty and your smile and-fuck, sorry.” 

Jinsoul’s grinning now, but all Jungeun can think of is that she needed to get out. “I’m so sorry,” I’ve already said too much. “I’ll just go now.” But before she can run out of the door with her tail between her legs, long fingers close around her wrist and she is being tugged backwards. 

And this unprepared, she falls. Right. Into. Jinsoul’s. Arms. 

What dream is this, Jungeun asks herself as she stares up into Jinsoul’s eyes, I don’t want to wake up. “You still haven't answered my question. Did you like the view?”

And reality crashes right into her stomach, slamming the air out of her lungs. But this close, Jungeun can't think. “Yes,” she breathes out and Jinsoul’s grin just grows. “Great, because I like my view too.”

Later, once Jungeun remembers how to breathe again, (Cute, Jinsoul tells her and Jungeun squawks into her hands) they find themselves on the front porch, mercifully empty and surprisingly quiet. 

“I’ve actually liked you since my third year.” Jinsoul admits and Jungeun can only stare. “How, we’ve never even met.” “Well,” Jinsoul begins, scratching at reddening cheeks and Jungeun decides that embarrassed Jinsoul is adorable, she wants to squeeze her face in between her hands and never let go. 

“Not officially. But it was Jiwoo’s first performance I think, and you were there in the front row with the biggest bouquet of flowers and screaming like you didn't care.” Jungeun remembers that night, Jiwoo had been flawless, she had never been more proud of her best friend.

“Yeah, you were kinda hard to miss. And I might have been the one under the spotlight but God, Jungeun, you were glowing that night.” 

Jungeun tries to hide the stupid grin on her face and fails miserably, the apples of her cheeks heating up to a bright ruby red. “Stop,” she whines into her hands again and Jinsoul laughs. “I couldn't take my eyes off you.”

“Eonnie!” 

“It’s true! You were beautiful.” Jungeun squeaks again and buries her face in the space where Jinsoul’s shoulder meets her neck and Jinsoul laughs again and it's raucous and sharp and so utterly Jung Jinsoul, Jungeun can’t help the laugh that bubbles up from her own throat. 

“Your turn,” Jinsoul says and hugs Jungeun closer, she smells like something fresh, like citrus and the ocean breeze. “My second year, when I accompanied Jiwoo to try outs.” 

It’s a secret that not even Jiwoo knows, Jungeun had long since buried this memory in the deepest part of her heart, convinced that she never had a chance. 

“Really?”

“Yeah, you were encouraging them at the side right? I don't know, you were so cool, 12 year old me was enamoured.”

“Enamoured huh?” 

“Shut up, don't make me take it back.” 

“I can’t believe you were enamoured with a sweaty 13 year old who hadn't even hit puberty.” 

“Shut up.” Jungeun rolled her eyes and pinched at the exposed skin of Jinsoul’s waist, smiling when she yelps and twists away. 

“But,” Jinsoul’s voice is wistful now and Jungeun can’t see her face but somehow she just knows the expression she’s making. “I can’t believe we’ve liked each other for that long and neither of us made a move.” 

“At least we know now, you have Jiwoo to thank by the way. She’s the one who dragged me here.” Jinsoul giggles and Jungeun feels a gentle pressure on the crown of her head, feather-light and bolts upright. The surprise in Jinsoul’s eyes fades into confusion and then she’s apologising as Jungeun gapes at her. “Sorry, I should've asked.” 

“NO!” They both wince at the volume and Jungeun cringes. 

“No, it's okay. I was just...surprised. That’s all.” 

Jinsoul looks thoughtful now and Jungeun doesn’t miss how her gaze darts to her lips and then back up again. 

“Junguen,” Jinsoul whispers. “Yeah?” “Can I kiss you?” Jungeun swallows. “Yeah.”

And if you were to ask Jungeun, she would tell you that it was gentle, calm and perfect.


End file.
